Empathy: How Can Foster Carers or Parents Stimulate This Important Skill in Children?

This article is about empathy and some of the ways you could stimulate its use by children. It is a skill that’s often lacking in foster children who have experienced traumatic childhood experiences.

If you are involved in foster caring, you’ve probably come across a child who struggles to show empathy. Well, the fact of the matter is… there are ways to help your foster children overcome this.

So How Can We Promote Empathy?

Howard Gardner, psychologist and author of The Theory of ‘Multiple Intelligences,’ classifies human capabilities in three main groups:

• Abstract: refers to logical-mathematical ‘intelligences’
• Concrete: relates to spatial and bodily ‘intelligences’
• Social: concerns interpersonal and intrapersonal ‘intelligences’

This short video explains Gardner’s Multiple Intelligence Theory.

Interpersonal and Intrapersonal Intelligences

In Gardner’s Multiple Intelligence Theory, skills belonging to the group ‘Social’ include the ‘interpersonal’ and ‘intrapersonal’ intelligence.

The intrapersonal intelligence involves the ability of the individual to look inside himself, identifying his limits, fears, talents, and values. By doing these things, they will find it easier to develop self-knowledge and undergo some degree of self-assessment. Stimulating this kind of introspection can make a big difference to many of the children in foster care.

How the Use of Empathy Can Help Your Child

Equipped with interpersonal intelligence, your child will be able to understand, develop and cultivate relationships with groups and individuals, and consequently to perform well in activities involving people of different temperaments and opinions.

Among the features of social skills, empathy is of great importance because it relates to the human ability to put oneself in another person’s place. To understand and respect their views and decisions and appreciate their needs, dreams, and talents.

Through empathy, your child will be able to maintain more peaceful and balanced interpersonal relationships, showing sensitivity to the problems and situations experienced by other individuals and social groups.

With a more empathic approach, your child is also likely to have a better understanding of why a friend acted in a certain way in a particular life situation. Or be less judgemental, and able to understand what led them to adopt a particular attitude.

Can Empathy Be Developed?

Empathy is a skill that can be developed. It involves your perception of yourself as a social being, interested in other people and able to be flexible in a relationship.

In practice, if we wish to put ourselves in another’s shoes (empathise), it is necessary to observe another’s needs, such as ideas, opinions, passions, and fears. Thus, it is possible through observation, to appreciate another person’s perspective, listening intently and trying to understand their thoughts and views.

The second aspect to the development of empathy involves the desire to meet the needs of someone else. Demonstrating this desire is a decision which means having concern and compassion for the other person, and can be conveyed through your speech.

The third and final step involved in conveying empathy is in the decision-making related to the issues presented by the other person. This means not only listening carefully to them and sympathising with their needs but also taking appropriate action.

Example: For example: If a student observes a fellow student having difficulty in mathematics, he might listen and indicate that he understands the problem, but also share what he knows and work with them to address their challenge.

It is important to note that empathy goes far beyond pity or sympathy, which might be considered ‘feeling for’ someone. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s place, take account of their concerns, listen intently, and then help them to make decisions regarding their problem. More than observing and listening, empathy requires decision-making and the desire to help others.

Definition of Empathy – Cambridge Dictionary

“The ability to share someone else’s feelings or experiences by imagining what it would be like to be in that person’s situation.”

Resources for Parents and Foster Carers

Here are two activities you could carry out at home to help your child develop the ability to demonstrate empathy:

1. Musical Empathy

Each family member, in turn, could sing a favourite piece of music for others to hear. Then each family member puts themselves in the place of the performer of the song and says what they think it represents to this person. What it reminds them of, how they feel while listening to the music, and why they chose it.

2. Discussion: Talking About a Fable

At home, your child could read the fable ‘The Lion and the Dolphin’ to you. After them reading it, you and your child can try to identify a situation in history that illustrates the thematic ‘empathy’ and talk about the subject, addressing the following issues:

• a) Have you ever lived through or experienced a situation like this? How was it?
• b) Have you ever tried to help a friend and instead of this, you caused trouble, worsening the situation? How was it, dealing with this frustration?
• c) What positive values can we extract from this fable? Which part of the story most caught your attention, and why?

Fable: “The Lion and the Dolphin”

A LION roaming by the seashore saw a Dolphin lift up its head out of the waves, and suggested that they contract an alliance, saying that of all the animals they ought to be the best friends, since the one was the king of beasts on the earth, and the other was the sovereign ruler of all the inhabitants of the ocean. The Dolphin gladly consented to this request.

Not long afterwards the Lion had a combat with a wild bull, and called on the Dolphin to help him. The Dolphin, though quite willing to give him assistance, was unable to do so, as he could not by any means reach the land. The Lion abused him as a traitor. The Dolphin replied, “Nay, my friend, blame not me, but Nature, which, while giving me the sovereignty of the sea, has quite denied me the power of living upon the land.”

If you are a foster carer, parent, or involved in any other way with the care of a child, it would be great to hear your thoughts about empathy and helping to stimulate this valuable skill in children.

Daniela Silva

Daniela Silva is a college graduate with a degree in Pedagogy (with skills in School Management and Business Education), an MBA in People Management, and a postgraduate degree in Neuroeducation. She has been active in social projects since 2009.